May.2nd, 2023
It’s been happening for a while now but sometimes, I get suddenly so sad at something and feel like crying or I do. For a very short time and it’s like I said sudden. Something I found so meaningful for example, or about my future and how I am not where I want to be.
Sometimes, I feel myself (meaning see myself becoming, but in a feeling way) being crazy or having a severe or worrying mental illness. But I know I manage it all so well.
Idk what’s up with my head. I want to, have somewhere to escape too, but I don’t lucid dream anymore, and Maladaptive Daydreaming is hard to appreciate when you have experienced something as intense as surreal realness while dreaming.
I’m obsessed with knowing my future, reaching a higher plane, seeing the otherworldly, something beyond reality, and then I have my goals that I really want to make happen in the world.
So often I feel so useless. Just recently I made it on the news. And others may see all that I have accomplished but I’m still not where I want to be, so my happiness is so shortlived.
I must have nothing the reason I feel this way. But sometimes I’m happy and fine.
I always need constant stimulation, something always needs to be happening, unless I’m alone and enjoying solitude. And believe it or not, I don’t always get to be completely alone like I want to be.
I don’t want to do anything…but I wanna do a lot. I love to research and find the answers to what I’m dealing with. I’m afraid it may be getting more intense the more aware I become.
Celinasjourney 